Count Down to 40 - Day 5

Day 5

Today was my Kolbe's 1st Reconciliation, and he was wonderful. He came out of the confessional with a big smile on his face. He has been waiting for this day for a very long time. During Father's homily he mentioned that some of the children present might have a calling to the priesthood. Kolbe sat up a little straighter, a secret little smile on his face. I kind of think he just might grow up to be a priest. He has talked about it for so long, and has a strong devotion to St. Maximillian Kolbe, and Our Lady. He's just a little boy, so he certainly could change his mind. When I was his age I wanted to be an archeologist. Then a nun (briefly), then a dancer (ha!), and so many other things. He wants to be other things, too, but he always says he wants to be a priest. Only time will tell, but I do my part by praising him for the desire to be a priest, and praying for vocations.

As for my goal for the day, to not freak out over the little things, well, I mostly managed. I did not freak out over socks, or sweaters - most of them did not match (they matched themselves, just not each other). I did flip out a little over Luke's choice of footwear. He tried to wear a really old, gross pair of snow boots because he could not find his church shoes. I made everyone hunt until they found the church shoes. For some reason no one but me sees why decent shoes at church are a must. I think it has to do with my Grandma Karcher. She was always worried about what shoes we had on for Mass. I remember going with her to Saturday evening Mass and had forgotten my church shoes. She fretted the whole way through Mass over my shoes. That instilled in me a desire for my kids to always look good for Mass, though I have been letting go of 'perfect' just for the sake of survival. With nine kids and 1 bathroom, you gotta let some of that go, or you'll never get there!

My goal for Day 6? Well, Kenzie mentioned to me that I sounded kind of mean in my PSR class yesterday, so I am going to practice trying to be kind when speaking to children. Starting with my own. Apparently she felt they would all think I was 'so mean', and I was shocked. So I think since my house is a wreck, and we have to do school, I will practice being patient and kind while trying to get the kids to do what needs to be done. Hopefully I can perfect it in time for PSR with a dozen 13 and 14 year olds. Please pray for me - I'm gonna need it!

Count Down To 40 - Day 4

Day 4

Well today was not exactly an all consuming quest for self on my 40 day journey. Which, after further reflection is starting to sound super narcissistic - I have a horrible fear of being narcissistic. Anyway, today was a sleepy, slow Saturday. No sun in the sky, freezing rain, laundry, practicing for Kolbe's 1st confession tomorrow, that sort of thing. My darling husband decided that he would make both cheese cake and some sort of candy/fudge/nut/mess on this, my very first sugar free day. I am happy to announce that I did not partake of the cheese cake or the candy/fudge/nut/mess. I was strong - I held out! Which for some reason totally wasn't hard so I don't really deserve any credit for holding out. The candy stuff looked pretty gross (sorry Honey!), and for some reason, the cheese cake, which I normally LOVE, just didn't even appeal to me. Perhaps it was knowing that if I did eat some, I would have to fess up to all (both?) of you who read this little snippet of internet. I wouldn't want to cave on the very first day, anyway. That would mean I have no will power at all.

Now, as I sit here in my pj's, I have to decide what my next goals should be. I had this picture in my head, of this 40 year old I want to be, and I realize it's a compilation of so many women I have loved. My mom - I want to be as feisty as she is, always charging into whatever comes next. My Grandma Karcher - she was always doing for others. My Nain - I don't know too many braver women. My cousin Suzy - strong, funny, happy and LOVING. And my sisters; Dana, Stacy and Amy - these girls link me to myself, keep me grounded and know me. They are my fortress in any storm. So, you see these women? I want to be just like them when I grow up.

My Mom with Meg

Nain

This is the best I have digitally of my Grandma

Sisters: Stacy, Amy and Dana (sorry girls, it's hard to find un-preggo pics!)

My Suzy

My Goal for Day 5? Tomorrow is going to be a super busy day. The kind of day where I want everything perfect, and I tend to flip out if it's not. PSR, then Mass, then Kolbe's 1st Confession and dinner, and then a mini-Super Bowl party. My goal for the day? To not flip out over matching socks, coordinating outfits for the little boys, or any one's lack of the dress clothes for Mass. If I manage to not flip out over any of these things, and some I have not thought of yet, then I will have accomplished my goal to just "go with the flow" tomorrow. It's really hard for me, so say a prayer, please!

Countdown to 40 - Day Three

Day Three

Meg's 20th

My 20 year old daughter, Meg is just the age I was when I had her. She is busy being the college student, the choir member, planning a trip to Rome, the girlfriend, the roommate, the best friend and all the other things that come with be a 20 year old. I got to spend most of the evening with her today, which was great since I really haven't seen her since the new semester started. We grabbed some dinner and made a trip to Target, which was really fun. It's  not often I get to spend time with just one kid, so getting to spend most of the evening listening to her jabber about school and parties and choir and job hunting and her boyfriend was really a joy. This kid, she so has my heart. When she's home she drives me NUTS because she is sloppy and sleepy and just...a pain in the rear, honestly. But, then, she's gone and I can hardly stand how much I miss her. I guess that's God's way of preparing my heart for when she's moved out for good. I wanted to bring a bit of joy and surprise to her today, as I didn't really get a chance to do that for anyone yesterday, and I think I accomplished it - what kid doesn't like an unexpected offer of a free meal out and a trip to the store when they are broke? I also snagged an extra gyro for my sweet Douglas - he loves them and has not had one in years, so I think he'll enjoy it.

My Douglas and me - I was 25, he was 33!

Speaking of my Douglas, we are currently in one of those blissful married modes - just so happy. To see each other, to curl into a chair together when he gets home in the middle of the night and then talk until 3a.m., to work together with all these monkeys during the day, share those little moments. I love when this happens. I know you married folks know what I am talking about, right? That head over heels feeling that tends to ebb and flow. Loving it right now. It alone makes me feel like I am 26 instead of nearly  40. A LOT of that is due to my sweet, sweet guy and how he looks at me like I am the prettiest thing he's ever seen. Yeah, that can do a lot for a girl. Plus, he always smells amazing. That helps with the whole head over heels thing.

Jenna Rhi

And as for Jenna, yes, we painted nails, while I tried to drag information out of her. She's so quiet - I never know what is running through her head. but, we talked, we had a good time, and I got to be just my girl's mama for a little while. In the end, that's the most important thing. I love her more than anything in the world - so it's my job to try and understand her, be her manicurist from time to time. She ended up with a manicure, fresh bang trim and a braided headband, just for fun. Isn't she the sweetest thing?


So, I accomplished my goal for today, and had fun with my little baby girl, who is 10 years old, doesn't really like braids, and wanted blue nail polish - not pink (waaa! - where is my pink girlie girl?).





So, Day 4! Tomorrow I would like to get a start on what I think will be the key to my losing an acceptable amount of weight. I've had 8 babies, ya'll - I don't expect to look like Halle Berry in a bikini - I am just looking for healthy - not hot! So, I am going to do my best to cut out sugar, starting tomorrow. I was on a no sugar diet while pregnant with Yeb. I lost 35 lbs, and felt AWESOME. Sugar is bad stuff. Sadly, it is my worst habit. I am a sugaraholic. I really like it. Crave it. It's a sickness. It's a Disease!  Sorry - I had to. But really, sugar is my downfall. I do well in every other area. I don't eat too large of portions (anymore), I don't do chips or salty. It's really sugar. So, that is my goal going forward, starting tomorrow (right now I intend to polish off my Lindor Truffles in preparation for my sugarlessness). I'll let ya know how I do! Blessings, all!

Countdown to 40 - Day 2

Day 2

Day 2 was an interesting day, as it was filled with friends in our home on a day that we would normally be doing school, laundry, dishes and the like, because the electricity in our area has not yet been fully restored, and they were wanting showers, heat, and a cup of tea, for heaven's sake! I wish they had stayed longer, we all had so much fun with the diversion, and since the electricity is still not back in their house, I know it will be a long, chilly night!

As for my goal for  the day - to bring someone joy - I kind of wish I had been more specific with myself, because how do you measure such a thing?

Definition of JOY as defined by Merrium-Webster

1

a : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety

2

: a state of happiness or felicity : bliss

3

: a source or cause of delight

— joy·less \-ləs\ adjective

— joy·less·ly adverb

— joy·less·ness noun

So, no, I am not entirely sure I managed that one. I mean, I played with the baby until he was squealing with laughter. I teased my Kolbe until I got some genuine smiles and giggles out of my serious son. I let Jonah go to a friends house for the afternoon and evening. Do those things count? I wonder if they cancel each other out with all the negatives of the day - making Luke sit in time out 800 times for crying over the Wii, or not letting Ben have a drink of water before bed (he keeps wetting), or not getting enough school done today. Who knows? I think I will have to be satisfied with the smiles of babies, the laughter of little boys and a visit with a friend as my joy for the day, but is that enough? That's ordinary joy, not the purposeful, 'make someone happy today' kind of joy I was shooting for. I wanted the 'go out of your way to make someone's day' kind of joy. But, the other thing I am trying to learn with this 40 days is not to drive myself up a wall over things all the time, so I will shoot for another goal, and perhaps incorporate this one into my day for tomorrow.

Goal for Day 3 - Spend some one on one time with Jenna, doing something that makes her happy. This will make me happy, knowing I am giving her something she needs, and getting to know my youngest daughter just a bit better. Knowing her, she will either want me to read to her, or do her nails. I am pretty happy either way.

A Countdown Begins...40 Days to 40

Day One 

I'm gonna be 40. In like, 40 days. It's looming ahead of me, but no longer in the far off distance. 40 is the age I thought I would be a grown up. That I would have it all together, that I would finally know what I was doing. I thought that once I turned 40, I would have it all figured out and would have some goals accomplished. Not big, life size goals, like getting married and having children. Personal goals, like losing the weight I have added ever since I was pregnant with my first baby. Like getting my life in order, finances, making decisions. I wanted to be writing, and volunteering, and helping people. I wanted to have a certain amount of dignity and grace. I wanted to know that God and I were solid.  I wanted to be great at 40. I wanted to have that moment when you realize you've got things figured out, and you can just cruise on from there.

Me and baby meg - I was 20!

Well, this may come as a shock to some of you, but I so don't have it all figured out.  I feel like there are so many things I haven't done. I want to be the best mom, the best wife, the best daughter, sister, friend. I know that these are not always realistic goals, but I wanted to be what I though it meant to be FORTY. So, I have a plan:
For the next forty days, I want to fulfill one goal for myself. I'm not just talking about a diet or a great haircut, though I don't want to exclude those things, because, let's face it...I am a wee bit vain. It doesn't show, because I haven't let it for like...(how old is Meg?) 20 years, but I am. I want to look good, feel good, do good and be good. I want to accomplish something everyday that will...God willing...become a habit. I want to be the best to myself, because more often than not, I don't bother to be the best to myself. I want that to change. Not in a selfish way (entirely), but in a way that makes me a better me for everyone I love.

Wedding - I was 24!

The first of these goals is to post something on here, this space I truly love, but leave abandoned, neglected and alone on a regular basis. I want to put a post here every day for the 40 days, starting today. Everyday I will post my goal, and whether or not I succeeded in fulfilling it.

I think I was maybe 32 here?

This is for me, the 19 year old idiot who never thought she would ever have to be 40. The 29 year old who still lives in me to this day and can't believe she's  actually 30. And the 39 year old who is, in all actuality, perplexity and confundity, about to turn 40 - and I wanna totally rock 40.  Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it. 



Goal for Day #2 - Bring Some Unexpected Joy to Someone's Day

Growing Pains

The last few weeks have been the slower, snowy, stay at home and snuggle in variety. That's not to say, however, that there has not been lots of activity in the Jeffery household. These children never seem to stop growing, changing, and hitting mile stones.

One big development is that Jonah has developed a close friendship, and that makes me so happy. As a very shy boy, he takes a little longer before he really engages with someone, so this lovely friendship has been so good for him. They talk on the phone and both share a deep and abiding love for...Lego Hero Factory. The boy is actually driving me nuts because he is always  "Mom, how can I earn eight bucks? How can I earn money to go buy the new Hero Factory..." But, the two have such a good time...you are always so glad when your kids have good friends.

My Jo has, of late, also been sporting a good bit of ever thickening, darkening peach fuzz just under his nose. He's 12! What is this? He's the oldest boy, but in so many ways, I still think of him as a little kid. As he takes on more jobs and responsibilities around the house, and looking after his younger siblings, I am reminded that he is not a little boy anymore. I am constantly buying him bigger shoes and longer pants, so I don't know why this comes as a surprise. My Jo is sweet and kind, and helpful. He loves his brothers, cousins and friends so much, and I am so proud of how hard he has worked in school all year. Growing up. Soon enough his dad will have to teach him how to shave off his new peach fuzz mustache and how to work our tricky old lawn mower.

My sweet lil Luke is nearly six years old. He started the school year in kindergarten, but he was still just so not ready for it. He was really wanting to play and be little. As we rounded Christmas  and the new year, I see a new little Lukey, one who is now eager to learn and asks me constantly to do school. I know he will do just fine next year when we start again, and for now we'll just do the little things he likes to do, build his skills and get him ready to start in earnest in the fall. I have also noticed his language maturing. He says more words correctly, and his sentences are getting much more sophisticated. He is starting to play big boy games, and loves all of his older brothers' toys. He has two loose teeth! Not to mention that he has flown through the sizes too, and is now in a size six or seven, having started in the fall in a five. Unreal. He's still so handsome and sweet that he just breaks my heart with his thoughtful acts and little kindnesses. "Mom, I got you a drink of water!", bringing me a half full cup of warm water. He has my heart, for sure.

Last night my baby, my Mr. Yummy Pants, my Yeb, slept in the big boy bed with Ben. We were nursing right before he was going to bed, and he climbed out of my lap, cuddled up next to Ben and pulled the covers up. My big boy snuggled right in and slept all night without getting out until this morning. I can't believe it just happened like that. I don't know if we'll keep putting him to bed in the big bed with Ben, but he obviously can stay in the bed and not get up, so we'll see. While I am always excited when one of my kids hits a milestone, everyone of them with this baby has been a little bittersweet. I just want my last little baby to stay a baby a little longer, yet he has been doing all within his power to grow  up right before my eyes. Meanwhile, Ben has been exhibiting some awesome big brother skills, helping his baby brother find shoes, sharing toys, and even rubbing his boo boos for him. Such a good brother, it melts me to see him take care of Yeb - I hope he always takes care of his baby brother, even when his baby brother is 50 years old.

My Kolbe Thomas is about to make his first confession. As a very serious boy who still says he wants to be a priest when he grows up, this is a BIG deal.  He will go from being a little boy to one who is expected to reason, understand and avoid sin. I think he actually does a pretty good job of it already - not perfect, he is just a little boy after all, but he looks at life in such a serious way. Rules are made to be followed, and he has a very hard time with people who choose to break the rules, or do something that appears to be breaking a rule. I know part of this is his age, but part of it is his personality. Everything is so straightforward for him - he is just so, so very like his dad. That makes me happy, and a little nervous for him - his dad is so shy, so is nervous in social situations (my exact opposite!), yet never has a hard time deciding what the right thing is in almost any given situation. He will be the hero, always helping those around him, just like his dad, just because it is the right thing to do. Too bad for all those damsels in distress, and he will even now tell them, "Sorry, you're gonna have to like somebody else, I'm gonna be a priest!".

My Jenna, so very much the middle child, has been in her own little world of late. She does her school work, does her chores, and really never makes any waves. Her nose is always in a book. She is a little too good, so I worry that she has something up her sleeve, or the waves she never makes will suddenly come crashing down. On a positive note, she has turned into quite the little writer, and has almost completed her composition course for the year. She knows what she likes, and excels at it. Luckily for me, she is also doing well in the less fun subjects. Whew! I love this last little girl so much. I am trying very hard to let her grow up, and not make her be my baby girl. I have quit buying her the striped tights and ruffled socks, but I refuse to stop buying hair bows and headbands - and I think she's okay with that.

My Mackenzie Rose, she is so beautiful, perfectionistic, cranky, hilarious, sleepy and irritated. I think that almost every 13almost14 year  girl in America has some or most of these qualities, but Kenzie manages to make them great. When she is being a perfectionist, she will drive you crazy if it is not good enough. The cranky isn't just cranky - it's supercrank. And so on with the rest of them. She does everything in a big way. I love this girl, she makes me laugh, scream, cry and laugh again. Between the two of us we can't figure out pre-algebra to save our souls, we see the equations so differently, but she is growing up to be a beautiful soul, with a huge heart. I am so proud of the young lady who decided she needed to just get on that bus, and soon, she will be making her confirmation. I know she is actually taking the process seriously, which is hard to say for any kid her age - but I think she is taking it as seriously as she knows how. She's my girl, I just love her so much. She's a keeper!

All the little moments, all the big milestones, they all add up. Someday, now, and forever, I want to be able to remember them. So I write them in baby books, or I post them here. I want these children to know how I felt about them at any given time. I want to remember what was happening in our lives. This is my record, these are my memories. I am happy to share them if you have a moment or two. Baby stories (whether your baby is 2 months or 25 years) are my favorite, if you want to share...

A Girl, a March, and a Choice

Kenzie and Liz @ the Armory - photo by Jamie Laubacher

My third oldest daughter, Mackenzie made her first trip to Washington D.C. this week to participate in the March For Life. My Kenzie-girl is a homebody. A mama's girl, through and through. Though she is 13, nearly 14, she still has a hard time being away from me - and I think she has plenty of time to get used to the idea of being away, so I don't push it.

Praying in front of the 1st Planned Parenthood in the US

But, she wanted to make this trip. The March has always been important in our household, her older sisters have always, always been activists for Life. I am proud of them in so many ways, but their deeply held belief and understanding that life is precious is what I am most proud of, truly. Meg and Liz have talked friends out of abortions, they have protested in front of Planned Parenthood, they have done baby and maternity drives for our local Crisis Pregnancy Center,  they have Marched for Life. They walked from Denver, Colorado to Omaha, Nebraska with Crossroads, speaking at churches and youth groups along the way, and demonstrating their beliefs by praying in front of abortion clinics. And they are only 20 years old. I hope/pray/believe that it will be this generation that makes our nation see that abortion is a travesty. These kids are so full of life, and so sure that they can make the difference. I want so much to believe that they can do it.

Liz and Meg while in Denver with Crossroads

My Kenzie, a little scared and a lot nervous, boarded a bus with a bunch of strangers, a few folks from our parish, and her big sister, Elizabeth. She had told Elizabeth that she didn't need her to take care of her, that she could handle herself, but in the end, she was so happy to have her sister make sure she was staying with the group, as she kept getting pushed back away from everyone during the March. I am so proud of her, for overcoming her fear and nervousness to travel far from home, walk all day in the freezing cold, to be a voice for those who have no voice. She is brave, and strong. She made the choice to March. And someday, like her big sisters, she will talk a friend into giving her child life. She will help a mother with a crisis pregnancy. She will speak out for the unborn. She will stand in front of a 'clinic' and pray. Because it's a fight, a struggle to change the hearts of our law makers, and of those who seek to ensure that abortion -  the deliberate taking of a human life, the life of one's own child, remains legal  - and make them see what they are doing is wrong. More than wrong, I believe it is the greatest evil of our generation. They often say that the youth is the future of our nation. Never before has this been more true. I hope my children, and the millions of other young people who see abortion for what it is, fight for the overturning of Roe v. Wade. I hope they continue to March, until there is no longer a need...

This momma for life has some very interesting stats on how under reported this event is - it's staggering.