Saturday, February 27, 2010

This girl

This girl has me. She has had me from the moment I laid eyes on her. Actually, she had me waaayyy before that night. I knew about her the instant she was. I just knew she was there. I was terrified. I was supposed to be a nice Catholic girl. I waited for 5 months to tell anyone about her. Actually, my mom guessed. She could see what was happening, though I had tried to pretend that my 115 pound self had suddenly ballooned out due to over eating. I pretended to overeat, trying to buy some time. We were going to tell everyone once we had a "plan". We were just having a really hard time coming up with the "plan". We were both in college. Part time jobs, no money. We thought about eloping and telling everyone when we got back. We thought about just telling everyone we were getting married, and then tell them about her. In the end we eloped, he left for the Navy, and then left us.

But, I had this girl. This amazing, perfect little girl. She and I used to sleep together every night. I loved having her cuddled up beside me, or on me. She used to sleep with her neck fitted across my throat. I'd wake up with wispy blond baby hair tickling my nose.

She was my side kick. She went everywhere with me. I transferred to a closer college so the commute would be easier. I found sitters for when I had to be in class, and she went with me to one of my jobs. On the weekends we would do whatever she wanted to do - watch Beauty and The Beast 752 times. Or read her beloved Dr. Suess books.

We fought a lot as she grew. She got sassy, and since she was homeschooled we often butted heads. She was messy and lazy and a smarty pants. She still is all of those things in a lot of ways.

She went to the public high school and sang, and acted and fell in love with choir and  theatre. I went to all of her concerts, musicals, plays, show choir. I loved every minute almost as much as she did. She was growing up to be a beautiful, talented young lady.

I was pregnant with our 9th child when she graduated from high school. It was surreal to be buying newborn items and dorm room stuff in one shopping trip. Thank goodness for Target!

I stared crying right around the time she was graduating. Granted, I had just given birth, but these tears were for her. I was so proud of her. I was mourning the loss of the little girl she used to be. I was dreading her moving out, away from me, even if it was only a short ways away. I was sad that her birth father had decided that this incredible person was not worth his time or interest. He missed a lot. Lucky girl, the man I married made her his daughter, and was there with me through every triumph and failure, every joy and sadness she ever experienced.

I finally quit crying about a month into her first semester. I still called way too often, but I was not crying anymore. Little did I know that she was missing home as much as we were missing her.  She was moving home at the end of the semester and would commute. I was so happy, I hardly knew if I should be so glad. I didn't want her to miss out on anything, but in the end she didn't like the 'antics' of the other girls in the dorm, or the fact that they never let her sleep.

So, she commutes every day, and at night sleeps in her own bed. She is messy, and leaves her trail behind her where ever she goes, which drives me nuts! If she is home she can almost always be found on her corner of the couch, with her pile of cups and plates, asleep, snuggled under the blanket all the kids fight over. I am so glad she is home, almost enough to not mind the mess. Almost. Neither one of us were quite ready for her to leave the nest.


  1. Awwww Megan, that was Beautiful! Hold on while I wipe the tears so I can see what I am typing...Okay, I am back! That was absolutely breathtaking! Again, that song would have said it all playing in the background. Trace Adkins, Then they do. Did you hear it yet??? Be prepared to cry! I am glad she moved back home for your sake! I am having a hard time with the fact that I have to take Nico to sign up for Kindergarten on the 12th of March. I can't believe my little boy is starting school in the fall already. (I will be dedicating a post to this soon!) LOL. Isn't it funny how time is flying by so quickly that your almost afraid to blink your eyes? My baby girl will be a year and a half on March 4th! It feels like I just brought her home yesterday! I look at them all the time and sigh. They are so grown up and I picture them off and getting married. My house quiet and lonely. That is scarey. Some parents can't wait to ship their kids off to school or get them out of the house! I dread it!!! With every fiber of my being. If there was a way to keep them little forever...COUNT ME IN, is tha selfish? What can I say... I love my babies! I can see you do too!

  2. Okay, went and watched the video on youtube. Totally bawled my eyes out! Would have been very fitting, but they don't have it over @ playlist :(.
    I can't stand the thought of no more littles. Makes me want to cry whenever it pops into my head!
    We homeschool,but our Luke just turned 5 & would be going in the fall if we sent them. Poor guy, he is in the group we call 'the babies'. Not really a baby anymore! But your baby is still totally a baby! And you can do all the beautiful baby girl clothes! I so miss that!
    I always wonder how long would be too long of the baby stage, too. For me, it doesn't last nearly long enough. And everytime I get pregnant I wonder if it will be my last pregnancy, because I always love it. Ah well, time goes by, I guess!
    Have a lovely day! Megan

  3. that is soo sweet. I bet I'll feel similar when Princess heads to college! Heck I had a hard enough time with sending her to Daisy's

  4. Yeah, you'll probably end up sort of as a team, and it will be really hard to see her go! You'll be so happy for her though! Blessings, Megan

  5. Oh my goodness, that was so lovely. I do believe it is possible to have such a love affair with our beautiful children. Love is grand and the most amazing thing in life.

    I am hoping to connect through my blog. I hope you'll take a look. Any advice would be helpful. I am new at the blogging thing. Trying to make connections, spill my heart, and earn a few extra bucks too. Take care - Clare


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