This girl

This girl has me. She has had me from the moment I laid eyes on her. Actually, she had me waaayyy before that night. I knew about her the instant she was. I just knew she was there. I was terrified. I was supposed to be a nice Catholic girl. I waited for 5 months to tell anyone about her. Actually, my mom guessed. She could see what was happening, though I had tried to pretend that my 115 pound self had suddenly ballooned out due to over eating. I pretended to overeat, trying to buy some time. We were going to tell everyone once we had a "plan". We were just having a really hard time coming up with the "plan". We were both in college. Part time jobs, no money. We thought about eloping and telling everyone when we got back. We thought about just telling everyone we were getting married, and then tell them about her. In the end we eloped, he left for the Navy, and then left us.

But, I had this girl. This amazing, perfect little girl. She and I used to sleep together every night. I loved having her cuddled up beside me, or on me. She used to sleep with her neck fitted across my throat. I'd wake up with wispy blond baby hair tickling my nose.

She was my side kick. She went everywhere with me. I transferred to a closer college so the commute would be easier. I found sitters for when I had to be in class, and she went with me to one of my jobs. On the weekends we would do whatever she wanted to do - watch Beauty and The Beast 752 times. Or read her beloved Dr. Suess books.

We fought a lot as she grew. She got sassy, and since she was homeschooled we often butted heads. She was messy and lazy and a smarty pants. She still is all of those things in a lot of ways.

She went to the public high school and sang, and acted and fell in love with choir and  theatre. I went to all of her concerts, musicals, plays, show choir. I loved every minute almost as much as she did. She was growing up to be a beautiful, talented young lady.

I was pregnant with our 9th child when she graduated from high school. It was surreal to be buying newborn items and dorm room stuff in one shopping trip. Thank goodness for Target!

I stared crying right around the time she was graduating. Granted, I had just given birth, but these tears were for her. I was so proud of her. I was mourning the loss of the little girl she used to be. I was dreading her moving out, away from me, even if it was only a short ways away. I was sad that her birth father had decided that this incredible person was not worth his time or interest. He missed a lot. Lucky girl, the man I married made her his daughter, and was there with me through every triumph and failure, every joy and sadness she ever experienced.

I finally quit crying about a month into her first semester. I still called way too often, but I was not crying anymore. Little did I know that she was missing home as much as we were missing her.  She was moving home at the end of the semester and would commute. I was so happy, I hardly knew if I should be so glad. I didn't want her to miss out on anything, but in the end she didn't like the 'antics' of the other girls in the dorm, or the fact that they never let her sleep.

So, she commutes every day, and at night sleeps in her own bed. She is messy, and leaves her trail behind her where ever she goes, which drives me nuts! If she is home she can almost always be found on her corner of the couch, with her pile of cups and plates, asleep, snuggled under the blanket all the kids fight over. I am so glad she is home, almost enough to not mind the mess. Almost. Neither one of us were quite ready for her to leave the nest.