Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Some Just Don't Get It...

Every time we announce a new pregnancy, we get mixed reviews. We know this, and often postpone telling certain people because of this. We are over 19 weeks now and the people at my husband's work just found out because I waddled in there yesterday on an errand. After I left he was pulled aside and asked if he was okay, if he needed to talk, as if this were some accidental tragedy.

Okay, okay, I admit it! SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T GET IT! And for some reason, I continue to be surprised by this. We know ten is a lot. We know that most people these days don't have 10 kids. We know that most people want a boy and a girl, and consider anything more ridiculous, burdensome. (Though it seems to me that Americans ARE having more kids!) But you know what? I think maybe we know something they don't  - and if you are a regular reader of mine, I bet you know it too. Kids are a joy. A blessing. A gift. They make the world go 'round. Quite literally. We as a species, NEED kids to survive.

But, beyond the survival of the species is a basic set of principles that my husband and I follow faithfully, and have since our marriage:

1. God is the Author of Life. It is not for us to reject His gifts of life.
2. Contraception, though so very widely accepted, makes for unhappiness. More about this in a minute.
3. A man and a woman, bound together in holy matrimony are sacramental.

We as a couple have an understanding of this that is limited by our humanity, but accepted as has been taught to us by the Church and cherished it as a Gift of the Holy Spirit. As such, we know that we are to be completely open to each other, and to God's gifts. This has made for a very rich marriage. We have loved and enjoyed each other with a freedom and abandon that really can only happen in a marriage. No fears of pregnancy, no fears or rejection, no fears of a broken heart, no fears of anything other than society's lack of understanding, and that, we are used to and unafraid. Why should we be afraid when we are acting as God intended? When we know that God created us as sexual beings for a purpose, it was meant as a gift to us as man and woman, husband and wife. We are married, we have the perfect setting in which to raise children. They will be provided for in love and faith, and will grow up with knowing they are loved and wanted. Can anyone honestly tell me that any other situation would be so ideal?

As for the whole contraception mentality; it is so pervasive, that even the sweet little nun who was with us in the hospital when we lost our little twins had it wrong. She suggested to us that while children are important and good, it is "our life, too", meaning that she thought it would be appropriate to use some form of birth control. Perhaps she thought we had done our "Catholic duty" and should move on and find some way of preventing future pregnancies. You know it is disheartening when you get this from a nun, and when you know which priests you can ask to get the answer you want... I know what the answer is. The only acceptable way to prevent pregnancy is abstinence through the use of NFP, and only when the couple discerns a serious need to prevent.

Anyway, back to contraception (I know, I tend to be really stream of consciousness - it bugs me, too - sorry!) - Contraception has done so much. Damage. Contraception has taken a woman, and turned her into a toy. No longer do men need to fear getting a woman pregnant, they can use her and toss her aside. No one need know, as no baby will result. Should the contraception fail, well, they can always fall back on abortion, again, no consequences. Contraception has taken a sacred act, that for most of 2000 years has only been acceptable in society through a marriage, and made it a recreational pastime. Contraception has created, to a large degree the culture of death. If it fails, either in preventing pregnancy, or in not allowing the newly conceived baby to implant, then there is always abortion as a back up. Contraception and abortion go against all a woman was made to be.

There is just so much to this topic, and it floats in my head all the time. I feel like I never made any of the points I meant to here, small ones keep interrupting my thought process, reminding me that this kind of post is best left for after bedtime. I guess what I was getting at here, is that we have joyfully welcomed each new life. Aside from Meg, they were all intentional. Even Luke, when I was so tired, was on purpose. We know what we are getting into, and welcome it with open arms. Is our time for parenting infants nearly over? Probably, and we will cross that bridge when we come to it. But, what society at large doesn't seem to understand is that we want these kids...pregnancy doesn't just happen  - no matter what the pro-aborts would like us to think. Nearly 100% of the time it take an act of will. Nearly 100% of the time, people make the choice, and if a pregnancy results...Hallelujah! Praise God, for He has been so generous! I know and understand that many people have sex fully intending to NOT get pregnant, but when you try to divorce the act from it's purpose, you are bound to get surprised, even with contraception. It's nature people. Know it. Accept it. Embrace it in your marriage... but take it from a girl who has learned the hard way - marriage is where it is AT, people! The greatest, best, most wondrous moments await you if you save it for marriage. I promise. And the gifts that it brings will never cease to astound you.
Blessings, Friends.

By the way - great book recommendation! Adam and Eve After the Pill  - Check it out!


14 comments:

  1. Simply beautiful! Your post says it all!

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    1. Thank you - not as articulate as I'd like, but I try, in many paragraphs, to make some sense!

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  3. 19 weeks!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Absolutely - hooray! Relief! Twenty as of tomorrow, and our US - anatomy scan - possible gender ID is on Wednesday. I keep praying he or she stays fine and healthy!

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  4. I came across your blog via a friend's blog and I have only read your most recent post. I grew up Catholic and had a great education so I understand a lot (though not all ) about the reasons behind lots of Catholic teaching. I no longer attend a Catholic church but do belong to a Christian church. Since you seem so knowledgable and have thought through your reasons for things I hope you don't mind a question. I have wondered about it for a long time. Isn't NFP just another form of contraception? From what I read I get the impression that you don't use this method (or any) but I bet you would know something about it. Isn't the thinking behind it that you can have sex but avoid getting pregnant? Isn't this in practice the same as using a physical or medical form of contraception? I am just curious as to what you think. As I said, it sounds like you don't use NFP so this I am not asking you to defend it. Just wondering what your thoughts are!

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    1. HI LucyLu,

      NFP cooperates with a woman's cycle, uninterrupted by chemicals. This natural cycle is a God-given gift, it comes to her by her own nature, as God created her. NFP measures a woman's fertility, letting her know (depending on her own knowledge and dedication to the method) her peak fertility, enabling her to either attempt to become pregnant, or avoid becoming pregnant by abstaining from intercourse. Because no outside chemicals, no interruption of the cycle has occurred, it is in keeping with God's gift of fertility. Now, as you have pointed out, we as a couple have yet to use any form of birth control by choice, even NFP. We go with the flow, accepting God's gifts as He chooses to send them. NFP cooperates and even utilizes God's gift of a woman's cycle. It can help achieve or postpone pregnancy. The Church requires that if it is used to prevent or postpone, there needs to be a serious reason for it's use as determined by the couple. Of course, this brings up lots of discussion as to what a "serious" reason is, but I feel that if a couple is using NFP, they have already discerned God's call the remain open to life. They are doing nothing to prevent pregnancy other than abstaining from intercourse during the woman's fertile time. NFP is a great tool, it is truly just careful examination and observance of the woman's cycle.

      I hope I answered your question! I LOVE answering questions, especially one from a person who truly seems to want to know the answer, rather than just challenging as so many like to do these days - so thanks!

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  5. I finally got to read all of this! Bravo!!! I think your #3 above is what most of society doesn't get at all!...if that were truly honored, I don't think we'd have half the battles regarding contraception and abortion to begin with. Thanks for expressing this so well!
    xoxox you know who!! :)

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    1. Thanks, Denise - another of my rambling rants, but seems to have hit a nerve or two - in a good way!

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  6. Great post! I think you are absolutely wonderful about putting your thoughts into words - I wish I could do the same. I have so many thoughts about this very topic but whenever I try to write them down in a blog post, nothing ever comes out right.

    Anyway, the thing I am getting lately from others is: "God is trying to tell you that you are done! Enough is enough."

    They are referring to my last 5 pregnancies that all ended in the first trimester. You know I have nine children and have never had a miscarriage until I turned 40. I'm almost 43 now and still - no new baby. I have no "new" baby because I have "old" eggs, is what I'm being told. And that's more than likely the case. But when people tell me that my miscarriages are God's way of telling me I should stop having babies....I think that's so wrong. If God wanted to tell me that my fertility is OVER, then he would STOP letting me conceive....right? I mean, that makes much more sense! Why would my father in Heaven, who LOVES me more than anyone on this earth, put babies in my womb only to take them away just to PROVE a point? Really, People? You think God works that way? I don't think so. I really don't. When He no longer wishes for me to have babies, then I will no longer conceive. I believe what He's doing is growing my eternal family! When I get to Heaven, I will have FIVE beautiful souls waiting to meet their mama. And then...years and years later...my other nine will join us. How great will that be? I have a big family now, but wow...it's going to be huge one day in Heaven :)

    I am so thrilled for you ~ and I will keep you and your sweet baby girl in my prayers.

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    1. You are so right, Katrina, God creates for His Kingdom, ours is not to question why - but it is SO HARD sometimes. I know your heart must break every time you lose a sweet baby. I don't know what the reason is, but you have remained open to life, and that is ALWAYS a blessing. Those people who question you, or tell you that God is trying to tell you something with the miscarriages, don't know God's motives anymore than we do. I have faith that my babies are with God, as yours are, and yes, we will someday be reunited. I do think maybe He uses them as a sort of very sweet bait, what Mother wouldn't do ANYTHING IN HER POWER to get to her children?!

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  7. Regarding the negative comments, it all comes down to this: it's none of their business. I'm 65 and never had any kids (it just never happened), and believe me, I got the negative comments, too, including "Why do you hate children?" Blessings to you and your beautiful family!

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    1. Thank you, Nancy. I can't believe people would suggest you hate children, merely because you haven't birthed any. People can be callous and unthinking. I once, when introduced to my daughter's friend's mother, replied with "Just one?" When she told me she only had one child. She bristled (rightly so!) and said it was really hard to get the one she had and they were glad to have him (again, rightly so!). I immediately felt like an idiot - why on earth had I said that? From that moment on, I have been much more careful not to assume anything about another family or their choices. And to be much more tactful about not asking questions. But honestly, I would never, ever ask a lady why she hated children. So absurd!

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