Friday, June 11, 2010

Benjamin the Birthday Man

My baby Benjamin, who is not actually the baby, turned three today. I still think of him as a baby, and since he only weighs 29 pounds, it's not hard to pretend he is a baby. But, he is talking like crazy, demanding, and often, quite creepy, but head over heels in  love with his dad - and me too, most of the time. I really love him. He is a ridiculously beautiful child, but makes up for it by being one of our crankier kiddos.

Benjamin was sort of a surprise pregnancy. He came after a loss, and we were so glad. I have had ups and downs when it comes to finding out about a new pregnancy, it's hard to feel like wanting to do it all over again, the sleeplessness, especially, really gets to me. but, every time we think we are done, the idea of never having a new baby really haunts me.

I love babies, really, truly enjoy every bit of babyhood. I relish every moment (except the sleeplessness). Even with the lack of sleep, I marvel, every time, over tiny toes, little babbles, and those first smiles. I know all parents feel a great deal of joy at their child's development, but I think my heart takes it a step or two further.
                                                                                                                                                                                            I think it's nothing short of ecstasy, every time I watch one of our babies yawn, or catch a whiff of sweet baby breath. I love the faces they make, and the small mews and grunts of a nursing babe.

I enjoy the heck out of toddlerhood, too, and we are deep in it now, with a 1 year old and a three year old. these people are pure, unadulterated bliss. Yebbi is a happy, delightful little guy. He is in love with his whole family, and grins a huge, drooley grin at any attention from an older sibling. I dare you to find anything better than a big, wet, drooley baby kiss. The love just pours out of them, and fills your heart right up. Those flashing, smiling eyes that tell you they have a really good, really bad idea, and you have to brace yourself for what ever they come up with. How can I live happily without that? Can I ever really look back on all of this and say - yeah, I am so over all that joy and bliss n'stuff. Totally not into it anymore. Can I honestly say I can happily live without it? Why would anyone ever choose to live without it?

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