Wednesday, October 10, 2012


Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day we lost the twins. It doesn't feel like it was a year ago already,  kind of expected my post partum depression to be twice as bad, because I was lost the twins in October, and was pregnant again by December. I am thankful that it really hasn't materialized yet. I have been weepy today, but that doesn't surprise me. I get weepy at the thought of those little boys, even a year out. It's just sort of a weird place to be. I am so, so thrilled that I have my Priscilla Grace, and and thankful for her healthy pregnancy and successful VBAC. At the same time, I think that if we had had our twins, I wouldn't even be pregnant with her. I wouldn't have her at all. Maybe not ever. I know God wasn't asking me to choose, and that I don't have to choose. I have my babies in heaven, and I have my sweet Priscilla Grace, here, in my arms.

We've never even gone to see where the boys are buried. I want to, but I kind of know that will bring on a firestorm. I just don't have the energy to deal with that. I love them, and I want to think of them as the sweet babies they are, at Christ's feet, listening to the angels sing. So, tomorrow, instead of going to the cemetary, I will take my baby over to church for a while, and buy some flowers to lay at Our Lady's feet. I'll pray that George and Gabriel are watching over us, and being our own little intercessors, and that they are happy that we have Priscilla Grace. I'll tell them how much I love them, and all our babies in heaven. We have six in heaven, what a crowd to welcome me when it is my turn. God knows perhaps, that I will need babies even in heaven.


  1. I'm so happy that you have your sweet Pricilla Grace! What a blessing she is. However, I'm sorry you are missing your twin boys :(

    This might sound a bit strange...but until I had my miscarriages (5 total) I never really looked "forward" to Heaven. What I mean is, well Heaven sounds wonderful and all that, but to be truthful, all who I love are down here on earth, with me! So I had never really looked forward to dying (not that anyone really does) but.... well, okay, I hope you know what I'm trying to say here! But now, now that I know there are FIVE children in Heaven that are MINE ... children I never got to hold or meet or even know their gender...well, let's just say that Heaven does look a little more appealing to me now. And I'm happy that I have them to look forward to when my time comes.


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