Whew - it has been so long since I have posted here that I hardly know where to begin! So much has been going on around here:
*Swimming lessons every day at the YMCA
* I have been working in the office on Tuesdays and Thursdays all summer
*This week is vacation bible school at our parish, and I have two nieces and a nephew staying for the week to attend with my kids.
*And the kicker: We found out about two weeks ago that we are expecting a baby next spring.
Yes, another baby. I am a little unnerved, just because I am so ooolllllddddd. And the last one didn't go very well. And I am having a hard time finding a doctor who will do a vbac. Which is seriously ticking me off. I had SEVEN natural births! SEVEN. And one emergency c-section. So because insurance companies have incredibly bad policies, they want me to undergo major surgery. I don't think so. Even the AMA says that repeat c-sections are unnecessary and carry more risks than a vaginal birth - so what gives? I thought the whole idea of a profit margin for an insurance company meant minimizing the risk? Well, I am just going to hunt until I find someone who both takes our insurance and will let me have a vbac, barring any unforeseen emergency. Unless...
Of course, there has to be an unless....unless, this turns out to be a twin pregnancy. I had an ultrasound today at the OB where I was initially told they would do a vbac (only to find out later that they won't). The ultrasound showed one teeny tiny (5 weeks, 2days) gestational sac, two yolk sacs and at least one baby. But, the image was too small, and they couldn't tell for sure. So, I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound to determine whether it is one or two babies, or even a viable pregnancy. There is no reason to think it wouldn't be viable, but you never know.
This of course makes me nervous, (everything makes me nervous these days). Our last baby started as a twin pregnancy and we miscarried one baby at 7 weeks. So, I am just praying to God that everything will be okay. I am not sure what to pray for as far as the 1 baby or 2 babies thing goes, so I am just praying that everything is okay. I don't know what else to pray for - so that is what I am sticking to!
So, if it does turn out to be a twin pregnancy - which scares the bejeezus out of me - there is very little hope that anyone will let me have a vbac. In Ohio - where we have sued our OBs right out of practice in many instances, no one will let you deliver naturally if you have twins, even if you have never had a c-section, so I am doomed to the section - which is why I don't know what to pray for. For those of you who have had c-sections, you know what I am talking about. Dreadful, hideous, odious pain. It was so awful, and I have ZERO desire to EVER do that again. So, I am just praying that everything works out, that everything turns out okay. To pray for anything else terrifies me, and leaves me feeling unfaithful. He's got this. I know He's got this. I just don't have a handle on it yet, so I am just handing it to Him, and He will deal with it for me. If ya'll could throw a spare prayer or two my way, I'd be grateful. I am going to have an interesting time waiting the two weeks to see what's up.
So, how's your summer going? Swimming? Vacations? Anything good going on? Need a prayer yourself? I'll keep you in mine, for sure!
