Trying To Get Back To This Place...

Peegers aka Princess Leia and her Da...

I think about this little blog all the time. I miss it so much...posts flit in and out of my brain all the time. I never have hands free to jot them down, or I am in the middle of school, or work, or nursing or cooking...but I miss it.

I recently decided to post to Facebook something I am thankful for every day this month, which has of course jogged my brain even more.



  I know I have said it before, and I have wanted to get back to this before, but I am really hoping I can do it...my days are so short and my to-do lists so long...I wouldn't trade any of the things on my to-do list though. Well, maybe the laundry. And teaching kids to read. I am HORRIBLE at teaching kids to read. My brain can't understand why their little brains don't already know how to do it...I lose patience. Anyway...

One of the things I spend so much time on these days is soaking, absorbing and just relishing my sweet baby. I always, always soak up my babies. It is an intentional thing for me. I will never be one to wish away babyhood for sleep's sake or for less work or trouble.  I don't want to miss anything, so I hold, I rock, I nurse. With Miss Priscilla Grace I have been even more aware that this could possibly be the last baby I ever have, so that kiss spot under her chin gets lots of kisses. I take time to kiss that sweet face and breathe in her sweet baby breath. She is so full of spunk and sass, but is so lovey and sweet. She especially loves hugging her brothers. She wraps those little arms around their necks and pats them on the back or head...she is full of love and ready to dole it out to anyone who smiles her way. I am loving every. single. second.

Another is my Yeb. He is such a little weirdo. He had a pretty severe regression after Priscilla was born. He really didn't talk much, and when he did it was total baby talk. He cried a lot and general wanted to be treated like a baby... to the point where we were considering having him tested. I mean, it was BAD. It took most of a year to get him to a point with lots of love and attention and a pretty strict insistence that he act his age to get him turned around. This of course, happened right after I filmed a segment for Dr. Ray's show about how I have never seen an older sibling actually regress after the birth of a new baby. As far as I know that segment never aired - THANK GOD!
While the regression isn't as bad anymore, he's still pretty weird. He has a foot fetish, probably born of the fuss I make over his still cute feet. If you come over, don't take your shoes off, or you will have a Yeb trying to give you a foot massage, or just trying to cuddle them. When he's not cuddling feet or pretending to be a Jedi, or showing you his "sweet dance moves", he is almost normal, at least, for one of our kids.

With these two rather high maintenance characters, plus another half dozen or so, time has been in limited quantities for me lately. There is never enough time for anything, but honestly, I feel like we are doing the most important things; hugging babies, playing with kids, reading stories, doing school, making meals, and basically being together. So what if clean underwear is hard to come by and the upstairs bathroom still needs to be painted 6 months after the remodel?

We'll get there, eventually. In the meantime, you can find me sitting with my baby, holding her while she sleeps, nursing and admiring the length of her lashes and the slope of her nose.

Because I am lazy, but would like to share so pics of all the people who like, still live here and stuff...


Fall Fun...Yes, The Force is strong with us...and whatever... I love every second of these wackos, too.

 

Weird...

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day we lost the twins. It doesn't feel like it was a year ago already,  kind of expected my post partum depression to be twice as bad, because I was lost the twins in October, and was pregnant again by December. I am thankful that it really hasn't materialized yet. I have been weepy today, but that doesn't surprise me. I get weepy at the thought of those little boys, even a year out. It's just sort of a weird place to be. I am so, so thrilled that I have my Priscilla Grace, and and thankful for her healthy pregnancy and successful VBAC. At the same time, I think that if we had had our twins, I wouldn't even be pregnant with her. I wouldn't have her at all. Maybe not ever. I know God wasn't asking me to choose, and that I don't have to choose. I have my babies in heaven, and I have my sweet Priscilla Grace, here, in my arms.

We've never even gone to see where the boys are buried. I want to, but I kind of know that will bring on a firestorm. I just don't have the energy to deal with that. I love them, and I want to think of them as the sweet babies they are, at Christ's feet, listening to the angels sing. So, tomorrow, instead of going to the cemetary, I will take my baby over to church for a while, and buy some flowers to lay at Our Lady's feet. I'll pray that George and Gabriel are watching over us, and being our own little intercessors, and that they are happy that we have Priscilla Grace. I'll tell them how much I love them, and all our babies in heaven. We have six in heaven, what a crowd to welcome me when it is my turn. God knows perhaps, that I will need babies even in heaven.

Princess Priscilla Pants...

3 weeks

My sweet lil baby weighs 10 pounds, 2 ounces. Safe to say she is a good eater. She and I have spent the last 3.5 weeks nuzzling, eating, changing and eating some more. I always love having a new baby. It is hands down my favorite thing in the world. The smell of the sweet breath, the staring into your eyes, the way she listens and then turns towards my voice. All of it bioligically programmed to make me love her, and boy o boy does it work. My heart trips every time I hear her cry, every sound she makes. Even her diapers smell good to me - what is that? She is all warm and fuzzy and new. And I am loving every single second with her. Her dad is too, we kind of duke it out at night - who gets to sleep with her in the chair...she has a little bit of reflux and trying to lay her down just makes her spit up and spit up, poor baby. So we just hold her. It's a legit reason to just hold her every second, right? I am sure I will not regret never putting her down. Totally.


2.5 weeks...
 

Just a few minutes old here...

This time around, I knew it would be extra special, because I am so very thankful she made it. Losing the twins made me fearful, and losing Yeb's twin the pregnancy before, and the other losses, all started to make it seem like perhaps childbearing wasn't a good idea for me anymore. But, God knew better. He knew my heart needed this wee tiny girl. He was so, so right. And after 4 boys in a row, I was really, really ready for another girl. I am a little ashamed at the sheer glee I felt at hearing she would be a girl, and then when we saw her, all slimy and white, but definitely a girl, I was thrilled. She was so round and soft and beautiful.

I know I said I would write her birth story, and I will, but that should be a post of it's own. It's a little long, and I want to write it down when I have a little time to think. For some reason I have few real memories of the day. Just flashes and impressions for the most part, and some of it must have been in my head, because Douglas says some of the stuff that I remember didn't even happen. Nope, no drugs (until after, because I thought I heard the doc say something he didn't say). Just foggy memory.

In the meantime, I am sorry for the lack of posts - I am OLD, people. Pregnancy kicked my behind this time around. And Miss Priscilla Princess Pants likes to eat at night - as in, all night, so I am running on very little sleep. Not that that is an excuse for not posting. Maybe sleep deprived posts are better than no posts, but they should at least be coherent.

Before I go, though, I have to say that people never cease to amaze me. Here we are on Baby #10, and so many people brought meals, and gifts and sent cards. We feel so blessed. I have heard lots of moms say that people just don't bother after baby #2 or #3.  Our little Priscilla has been welcomed by so many, and we really appreciate all the love and welcome.