Bed Hogs...

In my 21 years of parenting I have discovered that there are three main types of bed hogs. Yes, I am the mom (we are the parents) that let their children climb in bed with them for just about any reason. Bad dream, tummy ache, fever, lonely, wanting snuggles...you name it.

The first type of bed hog is the "heat seeker".  This is the child who will cling to you, burrow into you and somehow find you in the bed no matter how you try to evade her. My first heat seeker was my daughter Meg, now 21 years old. She would climb in bed with me (actually, I never bothered to put her in her own bed, even though she had one),  and just go straight for the throat. Literally. I would wake up in the mornings with downy soft, blonde baby hair tickling my nose because she would fit the back of her neck sideways over my throat. I have no idea how I endured this, because I am a little claustrophobic, but I actually enjoyed it. She was my baby. I was going to school full time and working several jobs, so I soaked her up every second I could, even if that was while we were sleeping.

She doesn't sleep with me anymore - she's kinda huge. I have a new heat seeker - 7 year old Luke Christopher. He doesn't climb in with us often, but when he does, you know you are in for a long night. He burrows. He clings. He plasters himself right up against you. Lukey is going through a growth spurt right now, and having the bad dreams that seem to accompany growth spurts in children his age. We pull him in, and his dad scoots over as far as he can to accomodate for the big boy climbing in between us, and he puts his sweet head on my arm, and I know I am trapped until morning. There is no escape, even if I ease my arm out and scoot away, he will find me in his sleep, and burrow in once more.

The next kind of bed hog is what I like to call "the sprawler". Four year old Benjamin is one such bed hog. Climbing into bed with us, usually under the guise of needing to snuggle, as soon as he falls asleep, he flips sideways, so his head is in the middle of his dad's back, and his feet are kicking me. No matter how many times we rearrange this child, he always flips back to his sprawl position. This too, makes for a long, uncomfortable night. We have tried putting him back in his bed, too - but if he wakes up and catches you LOOK OUT! He is kinda mean when woken. So it's not really worth the effort, especially if he manages to wake the third kind of bed hog...

Yebbi - aka Caleb, our 2.5 year old, is the worst kind of bed hog. He sometimes wakes in the night, so we bring him into our room before he can wake the other kids. He loves being cuddled. Until he falls asleep. Then he is ALL OVER THE PLACE. This kid does NOT like sharing a bed. He wasn't one to be held while sleeping as a baby, either. He wanted to nurse, and then lay down in his own space. Fine by me! His bed was within arms reach, close for me, alone in his space for him. He is still the same. He wants to sleep in our bed. But, he doesn't want us in it. While the other kids would not want to sleep without us, he would much rather be in our bed, and he is just fine you go find whatever empty slot there is, bed wise. All the better so he can toss and turn at will. He doesn't sprawl. Yeb still sleeps with his legs tucked under and his butt in the air. I love that. But, he doesn't want you, your blanket, arm or hair touching him while he sleeps. He will go to great lengths, apart from actually leaving the bed, to not be touching anyone, including just pushing you repeatedly in an effort to scoot further away.

While we have had many, many nights with a bed hog of one type or other, we never send a child away. We both know that all this...this glorious existence where we are the parents of small children, will be over all too soon. I hate that thought. I think all parents do. We've been incredibly blessed. We've been parents of small children far, far longer than most people these days. I'm still not ready for it to be over. So, when they come creeping into our room at night we never, ever send them away. We pull the covers back, tuck the bed hog between us. Ask them if they are scared. Check for temperatures, and snuggle them in. Tell them they are safe, mommy and daddy are right here. Breathe that magical scent of a small child. And are grateful for the long, sweaty, crowded night of nurturing a tiny soul who needs us that night. And thank God for the opportunity.

Frustration...

I get frustrated. Perhaps a little too easily. I read a lot of Catholic and Christian blogs, articles, newspapers, etc. One trend I keep seeing over and over and over is that we attack one another. All the time. Constantly. Now, I don't want to come off as 'can't we all just be friends?'...or maybe I do.

For instance, so often I see articles on one topic or another, often abortion or some other topic which is usually a unifiying topic, in the comments section, Catholics and Protestants are fighting over who is right about what aspect of Christianity. How is that going to help us change hearts and minds about abortion, or contraception or any other issue?

Fighting amongst Protestants and Catholics is not new...and it won't stop until there is unity once again. But having differences should not stop us from uniting on issues such as abortion, or the HHS mandate, or gay marriage or any other social or societal topic.

I had never really encountered Catholics engaging in this type of behavior until today. I was reading a thread on Facebook and the topic of NFP (Natural Family Planning) came up. One commenter implied that some people use NFP to postpone pregnancy or avoid it altogether for reasons that were not serious. I have to contend that if a couple is using NFP to avoid pregnancy, then most certainly they are doing it in the right spirit, with serious reason. NFP is hard. It takes dedication, communication and a lot of grace to practice. It is NEVER my business if a couple is employing NFP or not, and in that same vein, it is NEVER up to anyone else to judge if their reason is serious enough. Clearly, they have undertaken to please God. If they had not, they would be using some other, easier form of birth control. NFP implies a willingness to leave things in God's hands. I really don't think that abuse of NFP is possible. I might be wrong, or naive, or whatever, but think about it. Would you go through months and months of charting, temp taking, abstaining, and all that goes with NFP if your intention was to "cheat the system"? If you are going to cheat the system, there are way easier ways. If that is your intention, the sin is the same as if you were using artifical means.

So, how about we give one another the benefit of the doubt? How about we think of one another with charity, rather than assuming abuse. Yeah, maybe that family only has two kids, and maybe they go to Disney every year. Maybe they use NFP...but are trying to concieve and just can't. Maybe the mother is dealing with a health issue where pregnancy would not be recommended, so they use NFP until there is a better time for pregnancy. MAYBE the couple has suffered so many losses, and have decided to use NFP to protect their hearts a bit, and spend the time and money they have relishing the children God has given them. None of these reasons are anyone's business. None of this is for another, save God alone, to judge.

So, how about, as Catholics and Christians, we decide to stick together. Stop judging one another's motives or reasons for the choices they make. Uplift that which is good and holy. Work and pray for justice in all unjust situations.

Bullying and Scare Tactics ...

 I received the following email this morning. I subscribe to MoveOn.org's email so I can see what the other side is saying. This, basically says,  "Hey, look, we were able to bully Susan G. Komen enough to get them to reverse their funding decision. Let's keep bullying, scaring, threatening until we make sure we get what we want from anyone who tries what they tried!"

 They go so far as to claim that Planned Parenthood was under attack by this change! Since when is a change in a charity's funding an attack? Besides that, Komen only gave around $600,000 a year - less than 1/20th of a percent o fit's annual budget. So you know what this is saying to anyone else who funds PP? " DON'T YOU DARE EVER CONSIDER DEFUNDING OR WE WILL COME AFTER YOU, TOO. We will harass, bully and exploit the situation until we get what we want. We'll sic the media and all Planned Parenthood's uninformed or conscienceless supporters on you. You will be sorry you every crossed us."

My suggestion? Don't get in bed with the devil to begin with - he will make you pay, and pay you will, or you will see the demise of your organization. The fact FACT that PP doesn't provide mammograms for some reason doesn't resonate with these people. Komen intended to make grants directly to mammogram providers, rather than paying the middle man, PP. They thought that would be a better use of their funds, and so it would. I am sure charities and other organizations and businesses change their grant processes all the time, and never hear a whole lot about it, let alone all the national new fuss over $600,000. So ridiculous. It's a drop in the bucket for either of those organizations. And see below where they reference ACORN? I am laughing my head off that they want to set ACORN, one of the most corrupt organizations, so corrupt infact, that they blew themselves up and no longer are able to function cohesively, because they broke so many laws, are under investigation, and is run by crooks. Wait, are we talking about ACORN, or Planned Parenthood?

Dear MoveOn member,

Did you hear Susan G. Komen for the Cure's announcement yesterday? There's good news and bad news.
The good news is that Susan G. Komen for the Cure announced that they are reversing their decision to ban grants to organizations under politically-motivated investigation.¹ This shows the power we have to create change—Komen backed down quickly because hundreds of thousands of people immediately stood up for Planned Parenthood, with petitions and phone calls, and on Twitter, Facebook, and blogs.²
The bad news is that it's not yet clear that they will continue funding Planned Parenthood beyond this year. In fact, a Komen board member said yesterday that Komen refuses to commit to funding breast screening and mammogram referrals at Planned Parenthood in future grant cycles.³ And the anti-choice, anti-gay vice president they recently hired, Karen Handel—whom many believe drove the push to stop funding Planned Parenthood—is still a top organizational leader.⁴
We can't let Komen sweep their problems under the rug with this announcement.

Will you sign the petition to the Komen foundation demanding they commit to continue funding Planned Parenthood?

We're joining with a new organization, UltraViolet, to deliver the petition to the Susan G. Komen foundation headquarters in Dallas on Tuesday, and we need as many signatures as we can get before then.
What has happened in the past four days is truly remarkable. Not only have we moved Komen in the right direction, but we made it clear: if you attack Planned Parenthood's services for women's health care, we will fight back.
The radical right has been trying to damage Planned Parenthood using the same methods that were used to take down ACORN, both groups with long legacies of providing crucial services directly to communities in need.
That's why it was so important that we stood up for Planned Parenthood when the Komen foundation and the radical right tried to use a politically-motivated investigation as an excuse to cut off funding. And that's why we'll keep the pressure on until the Susan G. Komen foundation promises to fully continue to fund breast health services through Planned Parenthood. (They only provide information on self breast exams, and referrals!)

Will you sign the petition right now? (NO!)

We need to show that there are hundreds of thousands of us standing behind Planned Parenthood when we deliver it to the Komen headquarters on Tuesday. (Okay Pro-Lifers, Komen needs to know there are MORE of us wanting to do what is truly best for women. Planned Parenthood NEVER wants what is truly the best - they want to sell more abortions.)
Thanks for all you do.
–Elena, Wes, Robin, Joan, and the rest of the team

How My Dad Taught Me to Make a Memory

This blog is often my way of recording the things my children say or do. I want to remember everything, but I know as time passes I will forget so much. I have already forgotten so much, it makes me sad. The kids will say remember the time, or ask me a question about a time they can't recall, and I have no idea what they are talking about. But those special moments? The ones you want to preserve forever, but aren't moments when you are waiting with a camera in hand? My dad taught me how to keep those.

One time, when I was a very little girl, my dad and I were walking on the beach. I can't remember exactly what trip we were on, but to the best of my recollection it was the time we went to the Jersey shore with our Foster cousins. I was really small, and he was holding my hand. He had been helping me jump in the waves, and I was having the best time. I looked up at him and told him I was having the most fun and I wanted to stay there forever. My dad sat down in the sand, and pulled me up on his lap and said, "Do you know how  to keep a memory forever? You look all around you, and then close your eyes and put that picture in your memory. Make sure you get the whole picture. Then remember how you feel right that minute. That way you are keeping the picture of that moment forever."  He told me that he did that all the time because he didn't want to forget anything.

Even as such a little girl I knew this was important advice.  I memorized what he said, and right in that moment, I made a picture of that memory. I can still feel the way I felt in his arms, all safe and happy. I remember the ocean. I also clearly recall thinking that I should remember what it felt like when he picked me up, because probably soon I would be too big for him to pick up anymore, and I really liked it when he picked me up. From that day on, I have tried hard to create those memory pictures. I look around, savor the moment, feel everything that moment has to offer, and I try my hardest to memorize every detail. Some of the memories I have stored away are so, so precious to me. The first time I danced with my husband. The first moment I realized I was going to have a baby, each time. The moment I saw each of their little faces. The times when they were so sick and needed me. Those first smiles when you really fall in love with your baby.

I'll never forget the day I became an aunt. It was such a special day. I was so, so thrilled. I can remember holding my tiny niece in my arms, her poor mama all pale and exhausted, too tired to know or care who had invaded her hospital room. I remember how she smelled, and exactly what she looked like. I can remember the look on my brother's face.

My dad probably doesn't even remember that conversation on a beach so many years ago. Our family has been blessed with many, many delicious moments, and I will always be grateful that my dad taught me how to make a memory I could keep forever in my heart. It's my most invaluable skill.

What I Want For All the Mommas

Today was a weird day. It was the March For Life in Washington DC. The March remembers the 1973 Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision that effectively made abortion legal. My 14 year old daughter was at the March. She was our family representative this year. So, I spent the day watching the March, tweeting and texting her, and trying to get the media to pay attention, or forgoing the media altogether, get the word out via social media.


Interspersed with all of this was my usual day of schooling and mothering. I was privileged to spend most of the day with my five sons, aged 13 all the way down to 2. Here are a couple of the conversations I had with them today:

Benny, age 4: "Momma, Does God laughs because you and I are in true love and He is happy about all us kids?"
Yes, my Benny, I believe He does...

Later, when we were doing our teeth-stories-prayers-bedtime snuggling Benny says; "Mom, are you snuggling my brain?"
"I sure am. I love your brain." says I.
"Well, that's horrible! Stop it! I am trying to focus!" (he was telling me stories).
"Mom, know what I am gonna do when I grow up? I am going to be a race car driver and win lots of money, and buy a sucker!" I love a boy who knows the value of a dollar.

All this time, Yebbi was rolling all over us, intermittently barking and counting "one, two, fee, four!" or yelling "ninjago!" Ah Yeb, when will you learn to talk? Or at least do more than bark?

Luke, age 6, was at his lego table, building away. He brought one of his hero factory/ninjago creations over to me and says, "Mom, this is a girl. Know how you can tell?" he says to me with a sly, conspiritorial look on his face. "No, how?" I feel compelled to ask, even though I am a little afraid of the answer - this boy likes women, ya'll, and he's observant. Or so I thought: Luke grins and points to the two round, but up and down shapes on the front of the figure. "Bra!" he whispers to me so the babies don't hear him. A minute later he is back with a boy hero factory/ninjago creation, and the two figures are held together in what looks like a pretty risque embrace. Luke says to me, again in that conspiritorial whisper, "Look Mom, they're kissing. Isn't that romantic?"  He had me laughing as I remembered days of Barbie and Ken, and all the "romantic" situations we had imagined them in, however his tone was actually trying to find out whether his little lego creations were being romantic. He was on a fact finding mission! My beautiful, sweet, ding dong, woman loving boy. He is going to get his heart broken plenty, that is for sure.

This day had it's challenges, not the least of them the lack of coverage of the March by the media. One of the goals of Catholic social media this weekend was to try and get people to understand why the abortion issue is so important. This, these silly moments in my day, the thrill of realizing how funny, sweet, loving, and hilarious my children are...the absolute joy that zings through my body when they say something funny, or declare that we are in "true love", or even step on my head when I am trying to listen to brother's stories...this. This is what I want for every momma. This is simple, basic mothering. It doesn't cost a thing. This loss of it, though. The loss of these moments is something you can never get back if you throw it all away. No one's life is perfect, but every life is worth living. Every little moment of that little life is a treasure. Abortion robs a mother, a child, a father, a family of all of these little moments. It can even make the moments that come after so bittersweet. Please, if you are considering abortion, or know someone who is, email me, or someone else, or contact a local pregnancy center for help. There are all kinds of choices. The best choices will never rob you of the joy of your child.

What Do You Mean By "Choice"?

I always cringe a little when I hear the word "choice". I'm sure you can guess why. It's been hijacked by the pro-abortion crowd. They toss it around like so much laundry, thinking it will change or somehow make okay what they are really talking about. They talk about a woman's right to "choose". Choose what? Life for their child, and the joy in knowing you brought a life into the world and gave him or her the best shot you could, whether by parenting the child, or finding parents. Or, choosing to kill the baby, and living forever with the knowledge that you are responsible for your child's death. That you made the choice to end your baby's life.

We live in a country where choices are abundant. Options are overflowing. We are blessed beyond any other nation on Earth. So, why does the word "choice" rankle my nerves so much? It's because I know that women here have so very, very many choices. There are so many options for an unexpected pregnancy. Killing the baby shouldn't be an option. There are people who will help the mother raise her child, there are people who will adopt the baby, the mother has resources. She need only call the closest Crisis Pregnancy Support Center to find all the answers she needs, including help with a place to stay, prenatal care, maternity and baby clothes, and so much more. In most states, a mother can even drop a newborn off at a police station, hospital or fire station with no consequences. Choices...

I'm a mom. I've been one since I was 19 years old, and found myself unexpectedly pregnant. I was a freshman in college, and I was supposed to be the "good, Catholic girl". I hid my pregnancy from my family for five months. We were going to tell everyone as soon as we had a "plan". We never considered abortion, but we had a really hard time coming up with this "plan". We were going to elope, get an apartment, go to college. We just couldn't quite figure out how to do all that with no money. So, once my pregnancy started getting further along, I called our local Crisis Pregnancy Support Center. The women in the office were amazing. They didn't lecture, they didn't act shocked or disapproving. All they wanted was to help. They were amazing. The counselor I had offered to come with me to tell my parents. They offered us free childbirth classes and anything else we needed. They offered me a variety of choices, including helping me find adoptive parents if that was what we wanted, helping us find a place if we needed it. They were willing to do whatever it took to help us have a healthy, safe pregnancy and baby, and LIFE. They actually called me every few weeks for YEARS to make sure we were doing okay and that we didn't need anything. I was very lucky. After the initial shock, my whole family rallied around us with so much love and support. We never needed the services provided by the Crisis Pregnancy Support Center, but to this day I am grateful to know they were there, and that the counselors there truly love and care for the families they serve.

I get so tired of the argument that pro-lifers just want you to have the baby, and once you say you will, they move on to the next pregnant person. The pro-life community is all about choices... making good choices so you can provide a good life for you and your baby. There is help for any situation. All you need to do is ask for it.

I have said this in past posts, and I truly mean it. We would care for a child until the mother was ready. We would help a mom and her baby anyway we could. We would help a mother find what options work for her and her baby, so that she need never have to live with knowing that she took every choice away from her child.

Tucking Them In...

     I know I already posted today, but I still have so much rolling around in my heart and in my mind. If you have been here before, you know that we lost our little twins back in October. One of the blessings I have found in this has been that I have spent the time since treasuring these little ones even more than before. More cuddling, more savoring. More sniffing of necks slathered in baby lotion. More hugging the teenagers, more patience with the tweens. Kolbe has even been letting me hug him. He probably knows I need to.

     I was  frustrated with nearly everyone in my household today, most of all myself. I was anxious, and irritable, and just needed a little time to escape. Once I did that, I was able to come in, make dinner, sing with Kenzie,  play with babies. I know, my 2 year old, 4 year old and 6 year old aren't really babies. But, they are my babies. The tail end of this tribe of mine. I watched my big boys eat us out of house and home, and my Jenna quietly reading, her nose ever in a book. Eventually we went upstairs for our bath-lotion-jammies-teeth-stories-prayers-bed routine.

     I took a minute, as I was tucking in those wee small bodies, after listening to their sweet little voices praying the Angel of God prayer, asking God for blessings on those they love, with their teeth all shiny, their hair combed just so, and smelling like heaven itself - the goat smell briefly held at bay (thank you, Johnson&Johnson), and I felt that  gratitude. That sheer wave of gratefulness that spreads over you when you know they are here, they are happy, they are safe in your arms, and that for the time we have on this earth, they are yours. Thank you Lord, for the blessings of my children. Please let me always remember this moment, when they are still small. Thank you also for the sweet little saints awaiting us in heaven. My George and Gabriel, Matthew, Jordan and my other tiny ones. I love you all so much.