Something About Mary...

Forgive me for stealing a movie title, but it's so perfect for what is running through my head. I have had, since I was a very young girl, a special love for the Blessed Mother. This is a natural part of being Catholic, of course, but I can remember the specific time when my understanding of her role, and my deep love of her began.

I went running to my mom for something, crying. I was sad, and worried. We were standing in the little kitchen of our house, and it was just before bed time. My mom bent down and was talking to me, trying to calm me down. Mom told me that whenever I was feeling nervous or anxious, to pray to the Blessed Mother. That the Blessed Mother  was a very special friend, that she knew my heart, and that I was worried, but that she could take my prayers to Jesus. How wonderful, that you can ask Christ's mother to pray for you, just as you would ask your very own mother to pray for you.

I will never forget that, as it was the start of a lifetime of praying to the Blessed Mother in earnest. I had said my Hail Mary's like I was supposed to, but never really connected my heart with it. I was little, but I had yet to really understand why I needed to pray.

The reason I was anxious, and worried that night, and have some residual anxiety and worry every year at this time still, was because my mom's brother had been killed  in a recent accident. My mother's reaction to the news was, to that point and for many, many years, the most heart breaking thing I had ever witnessed. I was sad in the way a small child is sad over such a thing. I didn't truly understand, but I was sad for my mom. I was nervous because he was so young, it didn't make sense to me. And I was sorrowful because I really did love my uncle, who was funny and played rough and tumble games with me. It was many, many Februarys ago, yet that feeling lingers like a memory you can't quite put your finger on, all month long. It's a wondering of why you feel sad, until you remember. I worry a little about my mom, I know she feels sad during this time, and I remember how she, even though she was still grieving herself, took the time to explain to me the preciousness of the Blessed Mother. That prayer to her can help heal your heart. That she, in her wisdom, will go to her Son on your behalf.  A much loved aunt of my dad's had taught my mother about Mary, and she taught me. I hope I am teaching  my children and godchildren to ask our Blessed Mother to carry their prayers to Jesus, especially in times of grief. Especially when they are parents themselves.

There have been so many times when I have known her love for me, and my children. I have memories of her, and I dream of her. I hope and pray that I will one day get to meet Our Lady. Until then, I will pray to ask for her intercession, and hope I never forget to thank her for her prayers.

Count Down to 40 - Go With the Flow

I think I may have mentioned a time or two that I tend to be a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sort. I never really minded this - and really, I had to abandon this mentality to such an extent while in college, raising Meg, working at least 2 jobs at a time, that I embraced the living daylights out of it once I graduated. I married Douglas, graduated from college and became a stay at home mom. I had two+ kids and suddenly, I was FREE! I could plan my days and nights as I wished  - and I did. I embraced my inner hobo - often not getting dressed in real clothes, or doing much of anything other than playing with babies and barely keeping the house going. I had my bursts of cleaning and whatever, and things that just had to be done, but for the first time in years, I was actually free to do as I pleased most of the time. And I did as I pleased - with our non-existent budget, with time, and with household duties. I worked hard at being disorganized.  (I am starting to wonder why Doug kept me around!)

As time went on, and we had more babies, and began homeschooling, some, but certainly not all, or even most, of this changed. I went to my mom and dad's for dinner whenever I wanted, which was often (Doug worked afternoon shift). I played with babies, I watched tv. (Have I mentioned that I really like tv? I miss tv!)Well this went on for years and years, homeschooling, puttering around the house, and eventually I started working for TKG. Another time constraint, but I LOVED being part of my brother's fast growing company, and I loved contributing to the household.

Then - last fall we decided to enroll the kids in an online school. We weren't getting enough school done, we needed structure (ya think?), and I needed to not have to plan every little thing out. We enrolled 5 students. By the end of September I knew that this was KICKING my butt. I couldn't do it - we were doing school for 9 or 10 hours a day. So, I withdrew Luke, who was a young 5 anyway, as he was just not getting it - he wasn't ready. Going forward from there, we had 4 students, and were still doing school for far too long each day. We now have a pretty good handle on things, and Luke is starting to do some of the sweet little activities I have done with all my kindergarteners. We are now learning how to go-with-the-flow.

You might think there is not a lot of difference between flying-by-the seat-of-your-pants and going-with-the-flow. Maybe on the outside looking in, there's not. Flying-by-the-seat-of-your-pants implies a certain irresponsibility, and the freedom to be so. Its an inherent quality to the whole flying attitude, while going-with-the-flow is more of a "I'm going to relax about the things that don't matter" kind of attitude. I mean, we are still messy. There is still laundry everywhere all the time. We don't get to go to my folks' for dinner whenever we want (and not as much as I would like, honestly). But, I am learning to get small tasks done in small amounts of time. We are totally kicking school patooty, and our budget is rapidly getting under control. While we aren't running around as much as we used to, I am starting to let go of other things that I used to clamp down on, while getting more organized in other areas. We are playing, painting, making silly pretend soup (and I am not freaking over the 25 cents of wasted groceries), and I have let go of what color socks the boys wear to church (mostly). It' bizarre, I know. I didn't/don't care about laundry, or perfect housekeeping, or developing the perfect budget. I did/do care about what socks and shoes they all wear, perfect parties with plenty of food, and whether or not there is enough produce in the house at all times. Oh yeah - and all my hanging clothes have to point in the same direction, with the hanger facing in. I don't know why. The floor can be a mess, but all the hangers have to point the same way. And all my movies and cds are arranged by genré, not alphabetically. Actually, that's how I organize everything. Someone please explain this to me!

Little by little, I think I am growing up. I know that there are things that have to be done, and I am learning to not let my knee jerk reactions rule me. This will stun those of you who know me well - but while I have planned all Kenzie and Kolbe's party for their sacraments (in May), I have not yet ordered a darn thing. I sent the invitations, but I am not harassing anyone for RSVPs (yet). This is progress, baby! I have even seen a few conversations going on in different places, and knowing that I could not sway the participants, I did not join the discussion. Also progress, as I would normally jump in, rail at whomever with facts, figures and quotes from the Bible, and ignore the kids all night while I did so. Now, I am not saying that I won't still do that sometimes, because honestly, sometimes it needs to be done, but I'm going to be much more selective where I chime in. Progress. Going with the flow. It's about time, don't you think?

A little boost to my ego...

Katrina from They All Call Me Mom gave me this blog award! My first. Thanks so much, Katrina, I am so glad you enjoy my little blog. 

 The rules of the Stylish Blogger Award are:
Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.  
Share seven things about yourself.
Award seven recently discovered new blogs.
Contact these bloggers and let them know they've received the award. 

Seven things about me that I haven't blabbed all over this blog or Facebook already? That will be a tough one - let's see:

1. I LOVE television. I really do. I don't get to see very much of it. I watch Glee once a week with my daughter and occasionally turn on Food Network or Fox News while I am in the kitchen. 

2. I stay up late - usually at least until 2a.m. or so - it takes that long to get everything done, plus, my sweet Douglas comes home around 1:30 or so and I like to be up to see him for a while before we go to bed. 

3. I am a little neurotic when it comes to parties or any gathering where food is offered. I have to have TONS of food, and I freak out a little if I don't think everything is just so. Well, more than a little. My family goes all quiet and just scrambles around following orders until everything is ready - I am THAT scary.

4. I am a serial obsessive - and yeah, I just made that up - but, I tend to get all wrapped up in/carried away with things I like. When I was little, it was Trixie Belden books, then for about 20 years, it was Oprah, then it was one blog, then another. I do it with all areas of my life, from what I read to movies I watch to what clothes I dress my kids in. It all has to be part of a set, or somehow fit together (in my brain, no one else's). Maybe a better way to put it would be that I enjoy living in a certain genré!

5. I am #3 in a line of  4 Megans. My grandmother is Megan #1, my mom is Megan#2, I am Megan #3, and my daughter is Megan#4. My grandmother and I used to always sign cards to each other with just "Love, #1" and "Love, #3". It was our little thing. I miss that.

6. I am passionate, to the point of militancy on my views on several issues. I think that militancy tends to turn people off, so they cannot hear my message, and I battle between toning it down to be heard, and just exploding. - Mellow I am not.

7. I love my husband. (This should have been number 1!). I mean, I really, really love him. He  is just like standing on solid ground after teetering endlessly off a cliff. I love that he has green eyes, he is big and tall, thinks I am corny and loves me anyway, and he makes really beautiful babies. The end. 

Seven bloggers I have recently discovered and LOVE!

St. Elizabeth Anne Seton Exchange

Single Dad  Laughing

Habitat 4 Insanity

Farm Girl Follies

The Apple Cider Mill

Castle In The Sea

Finding Wonder In The Mundane

Check them out - they are all pretty fabulous! 

On Raising Teens...and a Comment About Day 13

I recently read a post on one of the blogs I enjoy very much, all about her methods of training up her small children, so that by the time they are teens, they were pretty much the people they were going to be forever. I think I would have to agree with some of what she said. Having raised two teens so far, and working on 1.5 more, currently, with lots of littles coming up, I have a few opinions on the matter. I think having one foot in the homeschool world, and one foot out, has given me a unique perspective. Some homeschooling families (we are one, so don't take it the way it sounds, please!), make such strict rules for their kids, especially the teenagers.(And yes, I know some families have no rules or raising up at all!) I just tend to think that being overly harsh, with many rules and restrictions isn't going to help your case as a parent. If you know you raised a good kid - then trust that you raised a good kid, i.e., the following:

1. I think forming them early is important. Manners mean more than just saying please and thank you. They teach respect for self and others. If you teach them manners and self control when they are young, they don't have to learn it when they are teenagers.
2. I truly think that the beginnings of respect for self and others stems from a love of the Lord. Teaching children about God's love for us gives them a sense of intrinsic self worth. It also teaches them that God loves all of His children. Now, I know that children will be children, and therefore make mistakes, but when a child knows and understands that we are here to know, love and serve God in this world, so that we can be with Him in the next, it will impact many of their choices, and certainly the important ones.
3. If you take the time to get to know your kids, and keep knowing them as they mature, then you will be able to guess what kind of choices they will make. My Meg, my 20 year old, is our wild child. While that may scare some parents, it has never really scared me. I know where she draws the line between wild child and just plain sinful and disrespectful. I am comfortable, if not always entirely happy, with where she draws her line. She has a firm foundation in her faith, and she will stand by it, and always base her decisions, most especially the bigger, more important decisions; on it. I think, knowing that, it is easy to know what choices she will make in most situations. I know I can trust her to make good decisions. Our other 20 year old, Liz is somewhat less the wild child, and I think her foundation in faith is even deeper than Meg's. I trust that she knows her heart and mind, and bases all decisions on the teachings of faith. I know that because I know she has been well formed in faith, by her own choosing.
4.It's our job as parents to make sure our kids have the tools to navigate the world, relationships, choices about life, love, schooling, careers, everything. If we have raised them well, taught them the God loves them, and that we love and value them, and gotten to know their hearts and minds, then it is time to trust them. Let them make their own choices. Of course, some of them will be the wrong choice, but that's how everyone learns. But, hard as we may try, we can't hang on to them forever.
5. Keep talking to your teens. Know them well, and make sure they know you have expectations of them, but don't rule them. If you lord over them, make too many choices for them, they will fight you. Instead, keep conversations going, but let them have some room to move.

So, teach your babies, mold your toddlers, shape your children and tweens. And then, when they become old enough to fly the coop once in a while  - let them. Guide them, but let them go! They will make the right choices because you taught them how. I think this was why our oldest girls really never had too many rules. They never needed them. They just didn't need them. They were always home on time, they never hung out with the "wrong crowd" unless they were trying to help or convert them in some way. They never abused our trust in them. When it came time for the big dances and things, they actually had to ask us when we wanted them home. It never occurred to us to give them a curfew - we ALWAYS knew where they were, and who they were with, but we never had to ask.  They had such good, good girls as friends.
Maybe we've gotten lucky with some really good kids, and I'm not going to say that a couple of the ones coming up aren't gonna give us a run for our money, but we're doing okay so far. I am really proud of the ones who've flown the coop so far, and the next one, my Kenzie, she's a doozy. This kid is a great kid. When it's her time to fly, I'll trust her, and know that she'll make excellent choices.

As for my Count Down - it's Day 13, and I think I was a present parent today. I played with babies, I tried not to be distracted, I got school done in a timely manner, even though my new PW book was calling my name all day! Kolbe and I read about Susan B. Anthony today. Now, she was my kind of lady. She fought for womens rights, but she never wanted women to lose our femininity. She was against abortion, and outspoken about it. She knew that motherhood was the epitome of femininity, and a woman's best chance at shaping our world. She fought for our daughters rights to vote, and to own land, but never to give up what it means to be a woman.

So my goal for Day 14? I want to expose my daughters to true femininity - grace, love of God, respect for self and others, the dignity that comes with being thought of as a "lady". My grandmother was always a lady, she carried herself well, was full of poise and dignity, and dressed to the nines, with a killer set of gams. If you throw in some of my Grandma Karcher's warmth and hugs, and ability to make great pie, I think you've found the perfect woman! I want my girls to know their great grandmothers just a bit better, so I want to tell them some stories, and hopefully, create a memory of each woman for them. My grandmother is still alive, my Nain, and my girls know her, but they don't remember her when she was a little younger. Maybe I can give them a little of her, and a little of Grandma Karcher.

Count Down - But I Can't Remember What Day!

Yeb with some stolen VD bounty

 *Update: I am an official schmuck - my Douglas came home from work with a copy of  The Pioneer Woman's Black Heels To Tractor Wheels - and I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I owe the guy - big time! Back rubs,  a special dinner, something made of peanutbutter, even though peanutbutter smells and makes me want to... never mind, but he totally rocks socks, people!
Today was St. Valentine's Day, and while the web was full of "I love Valentine's Day" and "I hate Valentine's Day", the Jeffery Household stayed true to a couple of little traditions. I told the little kids the story of St. Valentine, and all the kids got little treats. The kids all made Valentines for their cousins and sent them up to be delivered.  My husband, the man who is far more romantic than I am, brought me roses, a card, and chocolates (most of which I gave to the kids!). I, on the other hand, did nothing for him. I thought we had a pact, one where we just don't spend money on this stuff anymore. The man always, always ignores the pact. It's sweet, and makes me feel like a schmuck. You would think I would be more romantic, wouldn't you? I mean, look at this place! I am a total sap. But I'm not really very romantic - and yes, there is a big difference. To me, being a sap means I wax poetic over everything and am overly emotional.  Being romantic - in the Valentine's Day sense  - it's  just not me. I would rather buy a funny card (but write a long, mushy note) than a lovey one, (but I'd rather get the lovey one), I'd rather give a backrub than buy a gift. Maybe that just makes me cheap? Could be! Honestly, when my Douglas walks through the door with roses, especially on Valentine's Day, all I can think about is how many gallons of gas he could have bought instead. Totally not romantic - and I know he knows I LOVE Valentine's Day, but the roses kill me. They are just going to die. And I know they were expensive, so I can't enjoy them. And that makes me feel mean, as they were given in love, but also I think he thinks he has to buy them. And no amount of telling him otherwise has ever worked. I don't know how to convince him. And feeling this way makes me feel like a big meanie - a scrooge of Valentines. And that was the longest paragraph, ever.

So, as for my Count Down to 40 (can't you just hear Andy Richter saying that, like when he and Conan used to do the "Year 2000" bits?)  - anyway, I can't even remember what day I am supposed to be on - I think Day 12? I sort of skipped 10 and 11 over the weekend, with Luke's birthday and other hoopla around here.
As for my goals, in short order:
1. Sugarlessness - well, I ate cake, and a couple of the chocolates Doug got me - but I gave almost all of them away - so better, but not great. *Sigh* - sugar continues to be a battle for me. I always think about sugar when I think of other people's addictions. It is mine, for sure.
2. Movement - well, I found the channel that has the lady doing yoga, and I watched her for a few minutes the other morning. Does that count? No? Shucks. I'll find her, and join her if it's the last thing I do (and it very well may be.)
3.Doing for others - well, I this is hard to say - I really don't like it when people say, "hey, I did this for so and so, or that, or the other" so it would bug me to put down here efforts I do try to make on behalf of others. I really try to do whatever is within my power, and will continue to. I guess you're gonna have to believe me on this one!
4.Reading to my babies - Yes, they are being read to, by Dad during the day, and I read them about a half a million books before bed, but after prayers and teeth, every night since I made it a goal. They LOVE it. Benji loves "The Tale of Benjamin Bunny" because there is a Benjamin who has a cousin, Peter, just like he is a Benjamin who has a cousin, Peter. Luke is loving Winnie the Pooh, and Yeb really, really likes the same Sandra Boynton "Going to Bed Book". He can pick it out and bring it to me every time. So, we have read these three books a gazillion times each. Please note that there are no fewer than 100 books in their bedroom at any given time.
5. Being kinder to my children - I am really working on speaking more kindly to them. I have to say, I am pretty darn sarcastic sometimes, and I have hurt their tender little hearts, especially Kolbe and Luke. They are both real softies, though Kolbe acts as tough as anything you could imagine. And my poor little Luke is just heartbroken any time anyone speaks harshly to him. I am getting better, though I made Luke cry just this evening because I snapped at him for goofing around in his seat at dinner. Poor guy - he forgave me right away, but I still felt badly. My Kenzie, she has picked up my knack for the super sarcastic. She is actually what made me realize the way I talk to the kids, because I was hearing her. And she sounded like me. So now, I have to figure out how to correct some of that. Suggestions on how to get a teenager to quit being so sarcastic are welcome in the comments section below.

So, as I look towards Day 13, and see how really busy this household is, I just want to be more present. I want to actually live my day, not just stumble through it. I do a lot of stumbling through! I want to hold my baby, and just feel the way he feels in my arms and try to cement it in my memory.  I want to get to know my bigger kids a bit better. I honestly don't know what goes through Jonah or Jenna's minds. Kenzie and Kolbe are different. They are chatty, they'll tell you EVERYTHING if you are in front of them long enough. You have to draw stuff out of Jonah, and Jenna, I don't know what deviousness is going on in there, but I have a feeling that there is a good bit of devious thought. Hmmm - suggestions for how to get into the head of a 10 year old daughter and the brain of a mustache growing 12 year old son, are welcome.

Have a Beautiful Tuesday, ya'll!

Happy Birthday, Lukey

Luke - 6 years

Today is February 12. That means it is my baby's birthday. Perhaps I should be more specific. It is my baby, Luke's birthday. My Lukey turned six years old today.

When we found out we were expecting Luke, we had six children already, the last four of them in rapid succession. I was so tired. So sleep deprived. To top the exhaustion of homeschooling, and just the number of children, work, daily life, my Jonah had just been diagnosed with a seizure disorder. That brought a lot of fear and worry. So, for the first time ever, I found my self not entirely thrilled about being pregnant. I know I whined a lot. He was also the first baby to make me ill. I had never been really nauseous or anything with the other kids. I pretty much breezed through my pregnancies.

As my pregnancy progressed I whined a little more, and tried to sleep, envisioning the hours, days, years of sleeplessness that would stretch before me as soon as I hit around 36 weeks, when you are just too uncomfortable to sleep. I knew that once it started, it would be a long time before I had a full night's rest.

Luke - 1 week old

When it came time to deliver our son, whom we had named "Luke Christopher" almost as soon as we saw the ultrasound, things got interesting. His heart rate went down really, really low. My usually calm midwife was not panicking, but she was rattled, as I was not sufficiently dialated. She called for the doctor, thinking they were going to have to use the vacuum to get the little guy outa there. As luck would have it, I had the urge to push, so she told me to go for it - she'd fix me up later if need be, and my darling Lucky Luke was born very quickly. I know very well what a good guardian angel this guy must have, to let him come so very fast, his heart rate just fine once he was out.

All my whining was over once I had him in my arms. He was really, really beautiful, with red fuzzy hair and big blue eyes. From that moment on our Luke has been the very sweetest child. He has an enthusiasm for life that even most six year olds don't have. He is thrilled for anyone opening a gift and will shower the person with "Wow! That's great!". He loves to give presents, wrapping his toys in towels or whatever is handy and presenting me or his dad with the gift. He somehow always knows what to say to make someone smile, and he is the sweetest, most affectionate child I have ever met. He just radiates charm and can win anyone over with his smile. I love him so much. I am forever grateful that God is in control of our family, and not me. Because I would have chosen to not be pregnant right then, and we would not have this beautiful child. This amazing little person. Luke, if you ever read this, know that you have been a gift to your dad and me. We always asked, jokingly, when God was going to send us a sweet one. You, my Lucky Luke, are the sweet one. Doesn't hurt that you are incredibly beautiful, with a shiny soul just beaming right onto whomever is around you. I love you so much, and I am so glad God sent you to us. Happy Birthday, "Wuke Chrisoper Jeffey". May God bless you always. Love, Mom

Crime and Punishment, err...Sin and Penance

Last weekend my son, Kolbe made his First Reconciliation. At the end of the ceremony, anyone who wanted to go to confession was welcomed. My children and I all lined up.

Our priest, Fr. Vic is very good at giving penances. He always makes the punishment penance fit the crime sin. As each of my children exited the confessional I instructed them to go sit and say their penance. Each one told me that they didn't have a prayer penance, Fr. Vic had instructed them to do something nice for whomever they had sinned against. A very typical penance from Fr., designed to make them think of the person they had wronged.

My children were working on their penances in the last day or so, though I didn't realize it. Jonah, Jenna and Kolbe were standing in the kitchen, arguing over who should get to play with a toy Jonah had purchased last night at Target. When I asked why they were arguing over it, as it was Jonah's, Kolbe says. "Well, I gave him the five bucks to buy it!" When I asked him why he would do that, he told me. "Well, Fr. Vic said I have to do something nice for Jonah, so I gave him five bucks." Jenna pipes up with "Yeah, and I am going to buy Kolbe some gum, since I have to be nice to him!"

I am pretty sure they weren't supposed to just buy each other off. I think I better call Fr. and ask him to be more specific next time!